Fears of the Female Leader
Recently, I identified the 7 behaviors women should use to boost their leadership potential in the workplace (Ways to Lead - Without Acting Like a Man). These simple behaviors seem just that – simple. However, many career girls have trouble adopting them into their work routines. Why are these relatively easy behaviors in reality so difficult? They stem from specific fears we hold. Below are the 7 fears that most hold women back from achieving our true leadership potential at work.
BEHAVIOR #1: Speak Up. Fear: Appearing silly. This is the classic dumb kid in your college intro to business course who kept asking those really stupid, obvious questions, but for some reason he/she never picked up on the fact that these were indeed really stupid, obvious questions. Remember this: If you were not that kid then - you are not now. Intelligence is mostly stable over time, meaning that by your ability to identify the stupidity of that kid’s questions back then means that you will not be that person in the future. And, furthermore, so what if you provide 12 ‘bad’ suggestions? All anyone will remember is the one that worked.
BEHAVIOR #2: Make tough calls…by yourself. Fear: ‘It’s all your fault’. Why do we like collaboration? In short, it’s safe. Because when we hear everyone’s perspective, get feedback, and come to a consensus, we know that others have a stake in the decision. In other words, if that decision results in all hell to break loose, it won’t be all my fault. The guilt will be evenly and equally shared. Although this is safe and in some situations is the way to go, consistently donning this decision making strategy will not get you ahead for very long. To move up the organizational ladder, you have to be an independent thinker and not run to your coworkers each time you are faced with a challenging decision. Instead, think through the options of action, determine the course you believe in, and support your perspective with examples. If, after this, you still feel it is important to shop the idea around, do so by selling your solution rather than gathering opinions.
BEHAVIOR #3: Don’t Agree for the Sake of Agreeing. Fear: Conflict. We don’t want to say no; we want to please everyone; we want everyone to like us. Let me ask you this: Why do you care? Rachel, the boss’s pet, gets all the best projects. Steve, who pushes his work load on to everyone else, is in line for the promotion you want. How many times have you complained to your friends or family about people like this? And, yet, you still agree to playing second fiddle to Rachel and picking up Steve’s slack. Well, stop. It is really that easy – Next time you find yourself about to agree to (take on more work, complete the boring part of the team project, give up your cube with the window view…), think: “Will doing this in any way benefit me?” and learn to start saying no. (To assess your natural tendency to for agreeableness, compared to other personality traits check out: http://psychcentral.com/personality-test/start.php)
BEHAVIOR #4: Being wary of the water cooler. Fear: Behind our urge to gossip is not so much a fear, but a bad habit – it’s easy, it’s fun, and it often leads to negative career consequences later on. Didn’t you feel so much better about yourself when you stopped biting your nails or gave up snaking after 7? You will experience the same positive effects when you abdicate your thrown as the gossip queen. Instead of running your mouth at the next opportunity you get, try to spend that time connecting one-on-one with that coworker and actively strive to build a strong work network. After all, you never know how these connections may benefit you in the future.
BEHAVIOR #5: Volunteer. Fear: The fear behind raising our hands for new opportunities is threefold. First, we worry that we may not be good enough, smart enough, or knowledgeable enough to accomplish the objective’s goals. Tied to this, secondly, we imagine that someone else, generally someone else we know, possibly the coworker sitting two cubes down, can do whatever the task is much better than we ever could dream to do it. And, finally, we worry about how it will look if and when we fail. This fear is so self-defeating that you have already failed before you even get started!
BEHAVIOR #6: U need 2 limit the ! and :) in emails. Fear: Aging. We combat the physical appearance of aging in many ways – wrinkle cream, hair dye, shape ‘correcting’ slips. Similarly, we engage in behaviors which we believe to be indications of being ‘young’ such as using text speak. Although this may be OK with your friends and in personal emails, it is not OK in business. In fact, this may make you appear immature or under qualified – two characteristics definitely not associated with leadership. So, next time you are writing to your boss, subordinates, or team members, keep in mind that these people are just that – your boss, subordinates, and team members.
BEHAVIOR #7: Accept compliments. Fear: Appearing like we put in too much effort. Appearing is really the key. We don’t care how much work, time, or effort we really need to put into something in order to achieve the desired effect; we only care when the observer knows how much work, time, and effort it took us to get there. Next time you are about to brush off a compliment, remember, they are complimenting you – not evaluating you negatively – and, it is perfectly acceptable to simply say “Thank you.”
image provided by Flickr
